Dude my mom stole all your condoms
found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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