i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
She's not a foreskin expert like you
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
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