so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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