I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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