Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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