Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
