Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
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