I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
