im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
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