Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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