The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
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