Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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