if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
