She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Also, beer. Big fan.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
