Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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