Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
