So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
