Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
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