Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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