Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
