My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
