i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
i think i just naturally attract stoners
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
