You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
