he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
