Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Randomize
