areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
