i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
