but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
