you have to choose: penises or morals?
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
