Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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