Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
