Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
