but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Randomize
