Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
you will always have a special place in my vag
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
