U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
