watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
