the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
