i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Randomize
