I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
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