Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Randomize
