I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
