i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
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