He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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