Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize
