I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize
