I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Randomize
