Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
