remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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