Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
