you would pick up someone in the library
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
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