My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
