I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Randomize
