I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Can't talk, ducks in the car
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
