I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
