You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Randomize
