I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
