I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
